The Knave Abideth

What if ... William Shakespeare wrote The Big Lebowski?

A friend posted this link two weeks ago, and I was intrigued.  You might be, too, if you're a fan of the Coen Brothers (and of Shakespeare).  I thoroughly enjoyed Two Gentlemen of Lebowski by Adam Bertocci!  Apparently he wrote this five act play as a publicity stunt to showcase his talent as a filmmaker and screenwriter.  He had no idea that it would go viral!  He makes it clear that his creation is fan fiction and is in no way affiliated with the creators of The Big Lebowski.

A performance has already been planned in NYC!  And of course there's a Facebook page!

Here's a little excerpt from the play, wherein Maude tempts the Knave, and the Knave makes a story of his "rise" to His Knaveness.

MAUDE
Come, thou spirit that tends on mortal thoughts,
Come lie with me under the greenwood tree
And know the heat of a luxurious bed
And in our faults by lies we’ll flattered be.

THE KNAVE
My Maude is now the queen of special ladies,
Attired in a robe that is mine own.

[They kiss, and lay down]

MAUDE
Speak of thyself, O Geoffrey, while we sleep.

THE KNAVE
Let me present my life-time as a Knave,
Though little stands to tell; but tarry soft.
I’d tell thee how, in youth, I did author
A statement in Port Huron, ere the turn
When it emerg’d in compromised draft.
Or how, in fair Seattle, I and six
Were charg’d conspirators against the King;
Yea, that was me; and sixfold other men.
I turn’d attention briefly to the lute
And fife, and tour’d with men of speed and sound,
Who asses were; now I do nothing much,
Mayhap a bit of this, a bit of that.
I play at ninepins on the village green
And tour the town, and think on wilder days.
My house is sacked by Jaques Treehorn’s men
Who thought to seek thy father’s money here;
A case of great complexity we glimpse,
With many ins and outs, as I have said.

Shakespeare likely could not have imagined the women's lib movement, though!

THE KNAVE
Wherefore thy strange position on the floor?

MAUDE
I crave a young conception in my womb,
And seat me thus to better take thy seed.

THE KNAVE
Increase thy chance of bearing me a child?
But I a father poorly made would be!

MAUDE
Nay, I seek no partner in this babe;
I love thee not, therefore pursue me not.
Our comedy ends not with marriage-bed,
I’ll live unpartner’d, and unbotherèd.

Heh.  Maybe they were meant for each other!

Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.